when you are so angry...

You were driving on the street when suddenly a lunatic driver tried to cut right in the front you in a really inappropriate way. You were so pissed off you horn, and the guy horn back at you with his middle finger right to your face.

You probably felt like you would just hit his car to stop, jump up and beat his sad ugly face, just like this one

just like the iceberg, you might not like what you see on that very little top part of it, but there are a lot more values within him that you can't see at the moment - because you don't know him

that is people - you can't change what he or she is - that's the way they are. this driver might have some anger management issue and it's hard to change of "what it is in his DNA".

but always remember, if you don't like someone or you think someone deserved to be beaten to death (like the lunatics driver above), have a second thought of whether his son or others that loves pavlova deserve it or not.

apa yang kau telah buat?

Semasa aku berada di US November tahun lepas, di salah sebuah dari beratus kafeteria google di office di seluruh pelusuk dunia, aku duduk semeja dengan beberapa rakan sekerja tempatan yang baru aku kenal. Waktu itu adalah waktu makan tengah hari, dan kafeteria sangat sibuk dengan semua staff baru mula hendak menikmati hidangan.

Dalam salah satu conversation tu aku ditanya bagaimana suasana di amerika. Aku hanya menjawab "When i first got here, I'd say gosh I hate america..." belum sempat aku habiskan ayat, serta merta kafeteria menjadi sunyi, semua mata (dalam empat puluh rasanya) berpaling memandang tepat ke arah aku - dengan wajah serius. Aku terdiam seketika, suasana sangat sunyi dan "ibarat malaikat lalu" adalah paling sesuai untuk describe keadaan pada ketika itu. "... because of the weather, it's too cold but after a while i thought it wasn't that bad. As a matter of fact I kinda like it".

Itulah apa yang aku sebenarnya maksudkan, dan apa yang aku nak cakap. akan tetapi aku rasa aku dah tersalah pilih ayat pembuka kata. Aku tahu aku tak sepatutnya guna ayat sebegitu. And i really feel bad about it. Tapi itu membuktikan satu - semasa mata mereka memandang ke arah aku, aku dapat baca - itu bukan pandangan untuk dapatkan explanation - tapi itu adalah pandangan tak puas hati, pandangan yang cukup memberi mesej mereka sangat sayangkan negara mereka dan seolah-olah tidak percaya dengan apa sebab pun untuk aku membenci amerika.

Aku sudah tonton drama bersiri HBO "Band of Brothers" dan "The Pacific", hasil nukilan dari kisah sebenar askar marin amerika yang menempuhi perang dunia I and II. Mungkin anda pun rasa apa yang aku rasa - mereka sengaja tokok tambahkan cerita seolah-olah rakyat mereka sangat tulus ikhlas untuk mati demi mempertahankan negara mereka. Tapi dari apa yang aku alami di atas, dan beberapa yang lain~

1. Ramai rakan sekerja aku pernah berkhidmat dalam tentera semasa kempen US di negara-negara luar di dunia sebelum beralih karier ke industri swasta;
   
2. Anak bekas manager aku sendiri yang masih berkhidmat di Afganistan, dan dia sangat-sangat bangga akan apa yang dia telah korbankan.

OK lupakan sebentar argument anda pasal siapa salah dan pihak mana yang benar. point is - mereka sangat sayangkan negara mereka dan itulah apa yang mereka percaya sekarang.

Somehow aku dapat rasakan apa yang berlaku di dalam drama bersiri HBO tersebut adalah benar, dan itulah semangat anak watan mereka walaupun negara mereka tidak pun dicerobohi pada masa itu, tetapi mereka percaya mereka perlu bangkit dan berkorban untuk menjaga tanah air mereka sebelum diserang kembali seperti peristiwa Pearl Harbor.

Sedikit demi sedikit aku mulai rasa hormat atas pendirian mereka yang ikhlas berkorban untuk mempertahankan kedaulatan dan maruah negara - walaupun terdapat banyak dari kalangan mereka yang tidak percaya mereka patut berada di eropah dan kepulauan pasifik ketika perang tersebut berlangsung (lihat kembali drama tersebut).  And even now selepas kempen di Iraq dan Afganistan yang mereka berjaya peroleh kemenangan mudah menunjukkan yang semangat itu masih ada dalam diri mereka.

Tapi kenapa di Malaysia (negara Islam yer, or majoriti penduduk Islam) seolah-olah lain pula ceritanya? Aku teringat dulu aku pernah baca poll di akhbar harian beberapa tahun lepas "Are you willing to sacrifice your life for Malaysia?" Dari sepuluh correspondent, hanya seorang yang nyatakan yang dia sanggup untuk berkorban (aku masih ingat, perempuan bangsa Cina dari Kuala Lumpur). Aku cuba mencari kembali keratan akhbar berkenaan yang aku simpan dalam longgokan barang dalam bilik stor, tapi gagal menemuinya.

OK, aku tak salahkan mereka yang taknak maut demi negara. Aku takkan judge dan aku takkan paksa mereka untuk percaya apa yang aku percaya. Namun aku semakin sedih bercampur marah dengan apa yang semakin berlaku sejak beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini.

• Kalau ya pun lagu "Negara Ku" adalah berasal dari "Mamula Moon", kenapa ada yang sanggup jadikan ia alasan untuk terus enggan menghormati anthem negara?
  
• Kalau ya pun anda tak suka parti pemerintah UMNO, perlukah anda cop anak watan kita sebagai pengganas atau bukan pejuang yang sebenar - for the sake untuk blame UMNO sekarang yang anda percaya sudah tidak releven, anda sanggup menarik sama para pejuang wataniah yang tidak enteng menuntut kemerdaan dan maut demi negara just because they happened to be on UMNO side 50-80 years ago?

Dari analisis aku pada limited capacity, ini adalah tidak lain tidak bukan adalah datang dari segelintir manusia yang sangat taksub pada matlamat peribadi sehingga sanggup berbuat apa sahaja termasuk menjadi pengkhianat demi "perjuangan suci untuk selamatkan negara Malaysia", 2.0

Let me tell you, pengganas komunis was real, and heroic failure of Malayan police defending bukit kepong was acknowledged, Suruhanjaya Reid was real. Rombongan Tunku Abdul Rahman to London was real and Malaysia Merdeka pada 31 Ogos 1957 was real too.

Ini adalah apa yang mereka telah buat, and apa yang anda telah rasai dan nikmati sekarang. Tidak mudah untuk berkorban untuk negara, atau ada guts (telur dalam bahasa melayu nya) untuk bangun dah berbuat sesuatu untuk negara. Just because mereka kebetulan ada di side yang anda tidak suka di tahun 2011 tak bermakna apa yang diorang buat itu semuanya salah (hence sebab anda gagal ke putrajaya).

Tell me - apa yang kau telah buat?

Salam kemerdekaan di Aidilfitri 2011.

remember me

"... everyone's life is a story, some are just best sellers~ " 

i've seen a lot of people have their own sticky "list of stuffs that needs to be done before i die" posted on their wall. typically those list would look something like this~~

it's a good thing that you have something to drive you, to motivate you to become a better man day by day. but after the list completely checked, then what? Get old and die in piece?

I've posted a similar stuff before, and I feel really good about it... or was.

I'm not saying that personal goal is not good, but sometimes I feels like it's kinda selfish (yes, I am talking about myself) .With all of the knowledge and power of... uhm, whatsoever, why would I still fail to make a big impact?

I lived my life for 27 years, and I fall in love with life itself - people - family, friends, friends that is more like a family, friends of friends, the maid that never failed to clean up my cup and desk every morning with "selamat pagi adik" and a smile on her face, my co-workers, strangers that become friends, strangers that looked up upon me (and i would be happy to humbly bow so that he or she wouldn't have to raise their heads anymore and feels comfortable), and even a complete nice stranger. no matter how bad people would be, or whatever they did to you... i always believed that there's good in everyone somewhere, regardless~

This motivates me to do a lot of stuffs (well, at least i did something before throwing the frustration over here), Had the moments, and it drives me to reason to live.

But, I helped like what? one, two, dozens of people, and that's it! I know it changed their life. Students that become your best friends (or facebook best friends), some emails like this. it does something to you.

I just think this is not enough - i haven't done good enough, although I know I could be and do more.There are so many other people that would need my hands to live a better life,  may god forgive me for so being so naive.

Great prophet Muhammad SAW reunites the Arabs and draw a new history in era of civilization, Albert Einstein makes it possible for people to travel thru space, Mother Theresa symbolize freedoms... and Bill Gates makes computer so easy to use for everyone.

I know I am none of the above, but still I hope one day people would remember me for not being naive.

the best way to live healthy is by eating... !

If you followed me on my facebook, you would've known that I am undergoing an intense-but-steady weight loss program, and during my first 5 weeks, I managed to get rid of impressive 10kg (reference: precision weight scale, Celebrity Fitness gymnasium, Mid-Valley KL).

There's one particular week, on my 6th week, is the week where everyone would say "shit happens". when this happened... you tend to do something like this~~

... and not just that, scrolling back my wall feed shows that I have consumed KFC, domino's pizza, beef rendang, udang galah, satay ayam + kambing + beef, pad thai seafood, linguine, chocolate mousse dessert with ice creams, nasi turmeric with gigantic prawn ,  buffets three times! and not to mention hanging out with friends in KL nightlife where you have all sort kind of drinks (drinks contain calories too~)

But apparently, i still got to post this by the end of week 6~~

does it makes sense to you that I would lose weight? well, it does to me! I expect weight loss about 0.5, I just got more, which is why I did my research and decide to post it on my blog :-)

Eh, but how? My first five week of program really taught me one good lesson that changed my lifestyle forever (hopefully)  - and that's eating right! 

So how did i manage to "live a life" with foods and still lose weight? Let's get started~~

At my age, height and current weight as in week 6, my body would burn 2011 amount of calorie (kcal) for one day, naturally, without any workout and just sitting on my ass.

And 1.25kg is worth approx 8500kcal, that needs to be burned if I want to lose 1.25kg a week.

Consuming all of the above normally in one week would probably increase my weight to 1kg. but here's what happened instead~~

.. yes, i eat satay, all dipped into the peanut sauce and together with nasi impit, but instead of going for 10 pieces/cucuk, i only finished 5! you eat slowly, you will get full eventually. don't forget to drink a lot of plain water! (approx 500kcal in, if i eat without my head it might goes up to 1000kcal for just one night @@)

 ... alexis, hemmm. if you ever been there you would agree to me that they have among the best food and dessert. guess what, i knew it but i didn't take it! go for main course, no appetizer, no dessert and yes, go ahead with a decilious watermelon juice or other fruit juice (and please tell them don't add sugar). total input approx 600kcal, instead of usual 3 main course that would goes approx 1500-2000kcal. (hey, that's already more than what my body needs per day! definitely the rest of kcal would turn into fat!)

... nasi padang and all of the lauks, Malaysians' favourite. No doubt, but I still put my head on top of my hunger and lust. I go for a half fistful of rice, and go more with reasonable lauk gado-gado (delicious mix of healthy vegetables huh), ikan tilapia (grilled not fried, source of protein), sambal udang petai - and all are in a small quantity each! add them all up and it should be enough for you to feel full. and stick with plain drinking water! forget alpokat or whatsover!

... all right this is my favourite one. Me and my friend decided to go for fast food because it's delicious to enjoy in front of home theather, no doubt! I personally go for KFC snack plate, hot and spicy breast chicken - minus the coleslaw, whipped potato, bun, and for soft drink? diet coke! Not only you paid cheaper (RM6.80 for just the chicken instead RM11 for the whole set) but two pieces of breast chicken alone is already approx 850kcal!  Normal snake plate set alone would costs you approx 1500-2000kcal, and you sleep right after dinner right? What's gonna happened to the calorie unused? :-)

What happened to the Domino's and Mc Donalds ? well he left some for me, and i didn't take it. because I am not that stupid, use your head regardless :-)

[So what that supposed to mean? Avoid fast food at all cost, even if you have to for the sake of your friend, reduced it as much as possible, believe me 2 pieces of breast is good enough to make you feel full and helps you to prevent weight gain!]

Hanging out, chilling out friends on friday night? Of course you can drink. drinking water sucks! Basically I only allow one glass of drink other than plain water per day to reduce calorie intake... so in this kind of situation, go for diet coke/coke light (zero calorie!) or perrier sparkling water (zero calorie as well). And please go ahead with a fresh juice or coffee (no sugar, ask for Equal), or get yourself  a glass of virgin! (I guess I don't have to tell you alcohols are bad here). Not just you enjoy drinks but you still can tell great stories! :-)

No doubt dessert makes you happy, makes me happy! if you must, then taste it. take a bit, comfort yourself and done! give the rest to others (or throw it away, don't let "sayangnya buang makanan" trick you on this one).

So in short to add them all up i would only consume about 1500kcal a day and have a defisit of 500kcal, times 7 days a week i would have saved 3500kcal == burn 0.5kg from fat. but why still I lost 1.25kg? Well, maybe because of~~

• my metabolism increased a lot since i work out almost everyday per day, so my body would definitely need more than 2011kcal for a day, maybe 2500kcal instead, so i have defisit of 1000kcal actually for a day!
• take stairs instead of lift!
• park abit far and walk!
• be active and don't ask my maid to do this and that :-)

Good luck!

RM 2.50

Minggu lepas semasa aku dah lewat untuk masuk office, aku singgah sebentar di gerai hawkers makcik di tepi satu flat di Bukit Jalil untuk membeli sebungkus bihun goreng untuk breakfast.

Aku mintak bihun sebungkus (banyak actually, and ada campuran sayuran and diced chicken and shrimps), and aku tambah seketul ayam masak merah saiz sederhana beserta sambal nasi lemak.

Masa makcik tu bungkus bihun tu and aku pun tanya lah berapa harga. Air muka makcik tu berubah, seolah-olah sangat serba salah. "Adik, yang ni RM2.50 la, takpe ke?"

Aku pun agak pelik, because that was a very reasonable price." Ah ye makcik takpe. Ok jer la".

Still, aku nampak muka makcik tu sangat serba salah masa mulai membungkus bihun goreng tu. " Sekarang semua makin mahal la adik, ayam makin mahal, gula makin mahal.. semua makin mahal. Makcik pun taktau la nak buat apa adik".

"Eh, takpe la makcik. Ok saja lah," aku senyum sambil memberi riak muka ' I'm fine! quit worrying about it.'

Tapi makcik tu terus macam rasa bersalah and terus justify harga tu. "Entah la dik, semua makin mahal. Makcik pun makin pening kepala nak menjual dengan letak harga murah".

And guess what - the bihun was really awesome. sangat sedap, sambal nasi lemak yang ditambah cukup ummph.. and ayam masak merah dia pun sangat lazat! I would willing pay RM20 for this marvellous meal.

Kalau lah makcik ni diberi bimbingan, someone to show her the light to the right path, I believe she would be living a better life. Makcik ni tinggal di apartment kos rendah dan hanya suri rumah yang tolong suami berniaga untuk tampung hidup keluarga yang serba sederhana. RM2.50 adalah terlalu mahal bagi dia.

Aku yang berbelanja berlipat-lipat-lipat lipat kali ganda untuk satu meal terasa insaf seketika, and termenung sejenak bila fikir bagaimana ada orang lain yang tak reti langsung masak bihun tapi  dapat menikmati kehidupan mewah dan berada di kelas atasan, hanya dengan  membuka restoran besar yang jual bihun tak sedap di pavilion dan kawasan sekitarnya~

the road ahead, 2011 and beyond...

it was a good beginning of what i've done for myself over the past year~

.... and for others. the first time i started this because i thought the knowledge i possessed was so interesting and easy and i want to share it to the rest of the world~

and as i said, this is just a beginning... i can sleep and rest in grave. but until then, there are so many thing that needs to be achieved~

... hopefully @_@

street name di negara-negara bekas jajahan british...

Stanley, Hong Kong

New Delhi, India

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia